


Liability

by DenialAndError



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Bucky Barnes Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, F/M, Fights, Reader-Insert, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 08:08:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10658454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DenialAndError/pseuds/DenialAndError
Summary: Based on Liability by LordeNo relationship is perfect. Sometimes two imperfect people pretending to be perfect can end in more than one broken heart.





	Liability

No relationship is perfect. They have their ups and their downs. But, just like every other relationship, this one seemed perfect and you let yourself believe it would work.

But, just like every other time, you’re watching your heart be crushed in his hands as you spew words just as venomous as his. Every word chips away at your soul.

_He don’t wanna know me_

_Says he made a big mistake of dancing in my storm_

_Says it was poison_

 

Steve had always talked about Bucky. And after Tony finally gave in and let Steve and the team return, Bucky inevitably came along. You should have known not to get involved. But he was broken and he was Steve’s childhood friend and you wanted to help.

So when he woke up screaming, reeling from the horrors in his mind, you were there. When he punched the wall, frustrated he couldn’t control the storm, you were there. And when he sat in the common room at four in the morning in complete silence, _you were there._

You didn’t plan to fall for him. But you never do, do you? These things just happen.

He didn’t say a word to you for weeks when he first arrived and it didn’t seem like you were wanted or needed. So you stopped being there. Until one night you heard his scream and you remained in bed only to hear your door creak open a few moments later. He stood in the doorway, his torso covered in a sheen of perspiration, his sweatpants hanging low on his hips. And he looked petrified. His chest was rising and falling rapidly, his eyebrows furrowed as his eyes looked at you frantically. His voice come out in a whisper “You didn’t come”. And you felt your stomach drop.

He spent that night curled up in your arms. And something shifted after that. You shared your demons without fear of judgement and the more you shared, the more he was there for you just as much as you were for him.

Ever the gentleman, he’d made the first move. You had all come back from a successful mission of retrieving data from a HYDRA base and spirits were high. So when you were making your way down the corridor to your room talking to Bucky, he’d stepped ahead of you, turned on his heels, cupped your chin in his hands and planted his lips on yours.

_She’s so hard to please_

_But she’s a forest fire_

_I do my best to meet her demands_

_Play at romance, we slow dance_

 

Everyone tries to be their best self when relationships start. Everything is light hearted. Laughter. Warmth. Soft kisses. Caressed cheeks. Whispered promises of days to come. Thinking back, it fills you with sadness. Like remembering a perfect summer that ended too soon.

At first it was exhilarating. He understood you in a way that no one else ever had. On field missions, you worked together like a well-oiled machine. You learnt to read each other, every twitch, every sigh, every smirk, you knew what it meant and how to respond.

Natasha had once sat you down and warned you. She never was one to sugar coat things.

“You’re both pretending like you’re okay and if you continue, it won’t end well when the truth catches up to you”

At the time you’d hated her for it. How _dare_ she say you weren’t really happy? For the first time in what felt like forever you were floating without a care in the world because you had Bucky and Bucky had you.

It scared you a little that your instinct was to seek comfort in his arms but the moment they wrapped around you and his lips pressed against your hair, you didn’t care. The walls you’d built around your heart were crumbling. You never relied on someone so much before.

Every moment with Bucky was extreme. When you were happy, you were bursting with joy, when you were excited you were buzzing with adrenaline. It was like he got a hold of the turn dial and put it on full blast.

You tried your hardest to keep your storm at bay. It was the last thing he needed, you’d never seen him smiling and laughing so much before and you didn’t want to ruin that. He deserved better.

_I know that it’s exciting_

_Running through the night_

_Every perfect summer’s_

_Eating me alive_

 

You were both trying to be there for each other but you were broken beings and it was only a matter of time before it all got too much.

You couldn’t keep it at bay anymore and it turned out, neither could he.

Like a kettle, the pressure was rising underneath the surface and it all came out when you walked in to Steve’s room, furious that you had been cut out of the next mission.

“I’m just as good as anyone on this team, Steve. Give me _one_ good reason why I shouldn’t be on that quinjet with you all”

You knew. There was no other plausible reason but you wanted so badly to be proved wrong. For Steve to give you _any_ reason other than

“Bucky asked me to take you off the mission”

And you stand there in silence. His words sink in and the look on his face is nothing but sympathy.

“He’s just looking out for you” Steve tries to reassure you, undoubtedly seeing the whirlwind of emotions brewing inside you. You simply turn and leave his room.

You never did learn to control your emotions. But Bucky knew better than to belittle you. The fact that it came from _him_ felt like a dagger twisting inside you.

You’re in his room shouting at each other, Bucky saying he wants to protect you and you saying you didn’t need protecting. The argument had no end in sight, the anger burning ferociously in both of you and leaving no survivors. That was the first crack in your façade of a happy couple.

It seemed as if, after that day, a dam broke and a torrent of arguments and resentment was released.

They weren’t all like the screaming matches you see in movies.  They never are in real life. You and Bucky fought in a multitude of ways. Silently lying beside each other in bed, leaving rooms as soon as the other enters, pairing up with someone else on missions, returning late at night in the hopes that the other would be asleep. There was suddenly a new dynamic in the relationship, one of silence and emptiness where there once was laughter and fulfilment.

You never decided which was worse. The silence or the destructive noise of when you _did_ shout and scream at each other. It gave you an outlet but the abuse hurled at one another left lasting scars. But the silence was unbearable. It was a matter of feeling wounded later or suffering in the moment.

It wasn’t all bad. When things were good they were amazing, you found yourself slipping in to how things used to be. But neither of you were willing to keep up the pretence that everything was fine anymore. It was exhausting. You were both realising that you could no longer go on pretending you weren’t broken. And so the longer it went on, the longer the effects of your arguments lasted and the shadow they cast over your relationship grew.

It was only a matter of time before one of you realised that it wasn’t worth it anymore.

 

_They say, “You’re a little much for me_

_You’re a liability_

_You’re a little much for me”_

 

This last time was probably one of the worst arguments between the two of you. You were reckless and got yourself hurt on field and he realised he didn’t care as much as he used to. And it made both of you angry. There was no catalyst, no reason behind this argument but there you were, hurling abuse at each other just like every other time. Tears were drying on your cheeks and he was pacing back and forth. The crash of a vase he threw against the wall silenced you both and in the broken shards on the floor you saw the striking resemblance between it and what you and Bucky were so desperately refusing to believe was your relationship. A once beautiful thing that is now nothing but sharp edges left to make you bleed.

You look at one another, chests heaving, throats raw, _burnt out_. And in the silence, Bucky stepped forward and raised a hand as if to cup your cheek but stilled. With one last look, he turned and walked out of the room. But this time it was different. He wasn’t coming back. The realisation begins to settle in and you can’t avert your gaze from where he stood mere moments ago.

**Author's Note:**

> I got a request on tumblr to write a fic based on Liability by Lorde with Bucky and reader. This is what I thought of when I listened to the song. I'm always most nervous about my angst fics so I hope you liked it!


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